Top 3 Reasons to Stop Shoulding on Yourself

Top 3 Reasons to Stop Shoulding on Yourself

Many of us are super aware of our short-comings and often beat ourselves up with the should's we don't measure up to. If you're one of those people always saying "I should..." like "I should be in grad school," "I should be able to afford a house by now," "I should be married by now..." this is for you. Basically, it can all be summed up in the belief that, "I'm not good enough, I should be better."

Self-awareness of your weaknesses is actually a healthy thing. But it is a totally different thing from beating yourself up about your weaknesses through constant “shoulding” or basing your self-worth on what others are doing. In this video, I lay out the top 3 reasons, according to research by Kristin Neff, to let go of the should's and practice more self-compassion. 

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How to Shut Up Perfectionism

How to Shut Up Perfectionism

“If I don’t get this just right, what’s the point?”

So you give up or run yourself ragged to make everything “perfect” until you have nothing left to give. If this is you, perfectionism may be keeping you from experiencing fulfillment in life. Your expectations of yourself are so intense that there’s no way you could ever reach them. As a result, you’re unhappy and restless.

I understand because I’ve been there. In writing this blog, I have to fight my own inner critic that says, “Well, if you’re not sure that this is perfect and everyone will like it, maybe you should wait…or not publish at all…” That can lead to “You’re a failure and you’ll never get it all right.” That got dark fast, huh? That’s perfectionism for you. 

In her book The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown tells us, “Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”

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