Top 3 Reasons to Stop Shoulding on Yourself

Top 3 Reasons to Stop Shoulding on Yourself

Many of us are super aware of our short-comings and often beat ourselves up with the should's we don't measure up to. If you're one of those people always saying "I should..." like "I should be in grad school," "I should be able to afford a house by now," "I should be married by now..." this is for you. Basically, it can all be summed up in the belief that, "I'm not good enough, I should be better."

Self-awareness of your weaknesses is actually a healthy thing. But it is a totally different thing from beating yourself up about your weaknesses through constant “shoulding” or basing your self-worth on what others are doing. In this video, I lay out the top 3 reasons, according to research by Kristin Neff, to let go of the should's and practice more self-compassion. 

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How to Shut Up Perfectionism

How to Shut Up Perfectionism

“If I don’t get this just right, what’s the point?”

So you give up or run yourself ragged to make everything “perfect” until you have nothing left to give. If this is you, perfectionism may be keeping you from experiencing fulfillment in life. Your expectations of yourself are so intense that there’s no way you could ever reach them. As a result, you’re unhappy and restless.

I understand because I’ve been there. In writing this blog, I have to fight my own inner critic that says, “Well, if you’re not sure that this is perfect and everyone will like it, maybe you should wait…or not publish at all…” That can lead to “You’re a failure and you’ll never get it all right.” That got dark fast, huh? That’s perfectionism for you. 

In her book The Gifts of Imperfection, Brene Brown tells us, “Understanding the difference between healthy striving and perfectionism is critical to laying down the shield and picking up your life. Research shows that perfectionism hampers success. In fact, it's often the path to depression, anxiety, addiction, and life paralysis.”

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How Meditation Changes You

How Meditation Changes You

I’m about to ask you to do something that might seem silly if you’ve never tried it before. Take a minute and put down your to-do list. Turn your phone over (or better yet put it on airplane mode). Now focus on one thing: your breath. That’s all. Breathe in and out and marvel at the wonder that is life flowing through your lungs. Try it for at least 1 minute. Come back to this article when you’re ready…

Welcome back! Your first thought may not have been, “Hey, I’m breathing, I’m alive, and this is pretty damn amazing!”

If it was, go back to your regularly scheduled programing. You’ve got life figured out (probably).

If you didn’t, no judgement. Seriously. That's not what meditation is about. It has taken me a long time to get there - and that’s only on good days. I’m totally kidding about having life figured out. But starting your day with the idea that your very breath is a miracle definitely can change the way you approach life. 

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Give Yourself Permission to Not "Have It All"

Give Yourself Permission to Not "Have It All"

Until a few years ago, it rarely occurred to me to spend time thinking about what my values were, what I truly wanted out of life, and how to work towards those values every day. Instead, I raced through life like a freight train, trying to be “efficient” while actually just wasting time on my smart phone and worrying too much about other people’s opinions. At the time, the main goal of my life was to move up in my career and personal life. Instead of stopping to say “How do I want to move up?” or even “What is my ‘up’? What does ‘moving up’ mean to me?,” I just ran, hoping whichever way I was going was that up. I went in every direction that looked decent in order to “have it all.” In the end, though, I just felt lost.

I’ve come to a point where I no longer believe I must have it all or be it all. So many women feel this pressure today. We’re told it’s possible to have it all if we do ‘these 5 things’ or buy this product or that one...

I’m here to tell you what I try to remind myself every day: you don’t and can’t have to have it all.

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